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WASHINGTON — The Air Force has announced the release of NFT challenge coins this week which will be supported by its cryptocurrency, Blue Falcoin. The move comes weeks after the Air Force revealed a $1.7 million investment in Herbalife.
The announcement was made during a Twitch stream by former Enron CFO and current Air Force Secretary Frank Kendall: "Bro, you gotta trust me. We are going to be legends after this. L-E-G-A-N-D-S (sp). Crypto is the future, bro. We are the future. The dollar isn’t a dollar but crypto is the new dollar. We can be like Elon Musk and John McAfee. In and out, pump & dump, just like Iraq."
Blue Falcoin, the massively unsuccessful Air Force cryptocurrency, will be used to support the digital Challenge Coins. Blue Falcoin lost 90% of its value earlier this year after a slide in the stock price of Bed Bath & Beyond. It is currently trading at .000000000002¢.
The inaugural coin was on the NFT trading site Open Sea shortly after the announcement from Kendall. Originally bid for $20,000, the coin depicting Hiroshima’s bombing was ultimately purchased by Reddit user /u/vladamirputinmybutt for $3.
After the announcement, observers noted that Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Charles Brown tweeted over 200 times to promote the NFT coins. For example:
“Call us the space force because we are going to the MOON!”
“General Milley is an old boomer ass fiat-loving slut.”
“Can you mix cocaine, viagra, and ambien?” (This appears to be a Google search Brown accidentally tweeted)"
“WARNING: Screenshotting our NFT will result in an immediate drone strike”
“My Twitter has been hacked. Please disregard any tweets from last night.”
“Divorce Lawyer near me.” (This also appears to be a Google search accidentally tweeted)
"I shat my pants and cried when I heard the news. Air Force is B A S E D" said one idiot.
"I just took out a $300 loan in my wife’s boyfriend’s daughter’s name to buy one of the NFTs from a cook at the DFAC. Printed it out for me right there," another idiot said.
At press time, analysts were saying this was a big gamble for the Air Force. Only time wil- never mind, the coin has collapsed.
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I thought the concept of this was funny until the end of the satire piece when it just turned goofy, incoherent and spiteful toward General Brown. Try harder Bro!
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